When it comes to making meditation a habit, sometimes we’ll talk a big game, but we don’t necessarily put it into practice. But you’re doing that right now—you’re actually taking time out of your life with the intention of using mindfulness and meditation as a vehicle toward living in a particular way, maybe with greater ease and less struggle and suffering in your life. So, I want to take a moment just to acknowledge you for taking this time.
The Definition of Mindfulness
So, what is mindfulness?
This question has come to me thousands of times, and has no doubt come to thousands of other people thousands and thousands of times. Let’s just clarify this to keep it really simple. Mindfulness is simply being aware. That’s really all it is. I often say it’s the verb of intentionally paying attention in a particular way with an engaged curiosity.
It’s really an engaged practice that utilizes nonjudgmental attention. The word “nonjudgmental” is a little bit confusing because as human beings we’re going to run into a situation, a person, or whatever it is, and we’re going to naturally judge. We have to do that to be safe. Is this safe or is this unsafe? Is this good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair? How should I feel about this? So, it’s okay to judge. We’re not looking to walk around with nonjudgmental awareness all the time. Judgment is good and important in our lives. But, nonjudgmental awareness does help if we’re going to develop something.
We get caught in certain patterns in life, certain ways of reacting with family members, with coworkers, with ourselves, and with our own emotions, that can be unhealthy. We get into unhealthy patterns of communicating and unhealthy patterns of coping in our lives. Being able to settle into an experience, a more nonjudgmental awareness, can help us break out of that reactivity, and then choose a different response.
With that said, a lot of people come to mindfulness because they’ve seen it in the magazines, they’ve heard about it in the news, or they’ve heard about it from a friend. They’re curious about it. That’s certainly the way that I was introduced to it—I’ll tell you my story in a minute. But mainly, we’re all kind of looking to alleviate our suffering, the struggling in life. We want a sense of ease, a sense of clarity, a sense of insight. Mindfulness says, “Hey, if you practice this stuff, you can get this.”
How to Make Mindfulness a Habit
There’s a good analogy that speaks to this. It is said that if you’re a person who walks on the earth, and you find that the earth is really hurting your feet, then you should find pieces of leather and cover the earth with leather. Then, your problem will be solved. But where do we find the amount of leather that can cover the entire planet, or even just the surfaces that we’re going to be walking on? That’s impossible. Instead, what we might do is take a small piece of leather, wrap it around our feet like we’ve learned to do. That way when we walk on the earth, it’s no longer going to hurt our feet. And so, it is the same idea with our minds. It’s said that if we learn how to shift the way we’re relating to things with our minds, it’s like putting leather on our feet when we’re walking on those harder surfaces. We can learn to train our minds with mindfulness, with this awareness, with paying attention in a particular way.
With engaged curiosity, and nonjudgmental awareness during the actual practice, we can break out of our reactivity and see things differently. It is a skill that we can all learn and build on. All it takes is applying the learning that you’re doing right now. That’s how we build muscle, with practice and repetition. That’s how we build. That’s how we learn to play an instrument. That’s how we learned to walk, to talk. It’s all the same.
What Does It Look Like to Add Mindfulness to Everyday Activities?
Here’s a little back story to give you an idea of how this whole mindfulness thing happened to me. I was working hard and playing so much harder. I eventually came across a man at this month long retreat I went to, who introduced the act of eating an orange with mindfulness to me. With this awareness, I had this incredible experience that I didn’t intend to have at all. My body was more relaxed; I felt more joy in the moment and wanted more of that. I knew that it didn’t necessarily stick right away, but coming back to it over and over again, and with enough practice and repetition, it started sticking more and more. It’s really like anything else.
Before we jump in with a formal practice, before I teach you about the attitudes that are fundamental to the success that’s here, before we kind of jump into any of that, I want you to start simply. Habits are things that are developed best when we have simple, doable tasks.
A Mindful Awareness Checklist
I want you to consider how you can bring awareness to anything throughout your day. I want to give you a number of examples here, and as you go through the list, check off what works for you and what doesn’t. Say, “Yeah, that one worked. No, that one’s not good. I’m not going to be able to do that one,” whatever it is. So, let’s start up with this.
- As you’re waking up, the first thing you can do is you check in with your body. You’re igniting awareness. Ask yourself, “How is my body feeling? Tired? Heavy? Achy? Or maybe rested?” With practice and repetition, hopefully that becomes more of a reality, if that’s not one today. Wake up, soften your body, take a breath, and check in. “How am I doing right now?” A simple question.
- Ask yourself, “What does my body need?” Your body’s been without water for many hours straight, and so, the first thing you might want to do is just notice that. Take a sip of water before doing anything else, begin to hydrate your body. That’s just listening to your needs in the morning.
- You may want to note that you can use the shower as an opportunity to just notice the sensation of the water on your body, the temperature of the body, how it may feel good. You may also bring in some wonderful soaps into your shower experience to get some aromatherapy. The olfactory part of our brain can really impact our emotions. If you bring in a rose or a peppermint scent—depending on what aromatherapy impacts you—you can really start your day on the right foot. Just notice how that feels.
- Pay attention to your food. Where did the food come from? Who is involved in making it? What are the ingredients of what I’m eating right now? This all seems like it would take a whole lot of time to do. But really, this could all go quite fast. It’s just the awareness piece that we’re after.
- Now, maybe pause for a moment of gratitude for everyone, including yourself, who was able to get the food together to bring it to you in the morning. Maybe you prepared it and you also worked to be able to purchase whatever the ingredients are for this food. And then you take the first couple of bites, just noticing the taste. These are very simple things to do, right?
- A wonderful thing to do on your drive (or on whatever transportation you use during the day for whatever reason) is take the opportunity to just pause at stoplights, soften your body, and check in. You’re softening your body. You’re taking a deep breath. At stoplights, or when you’re talking to people during the day, just pause. We have two ears and one mouth because we’re supposed to listen twice as much as we speak. Pause and just listen. People love when they’re listened to, and you feel so much more connected when you feel listened to. Just think about it for yourself when you listen to people.
- Check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “Is this something I regularly practice?” Maybe some of it is, and maybe some of it is the kind of stuff you can add to your routine. You can do that while brushing your teeth, being aware you’re brushing your teeth. Going to the bathroom, feeling the sensations of going to the bathroom. I know this might sound a little silly, but sometimes you really have to go to the bathroom, and that moment that you just experience the release is a really euphoric moment. So, allow yourself to just be aware of that, and savor that feeling throughout your body. It’s great. It’s potentially one of the joys of life.
- Before bed, take a moment to settle and notice how you’re feeling. Take some deep breaths, and maybe do the practice we’re about to do. Really pay attention. These are just some examples of things you can bring into your day. If you’re listening to music, allow yourself to just close your eyes—or keep them open—and notice how the music impacts your body and emotions. Just be aware of how all this feels. What we’re doing is practicing, repeating, and being aware. That’s it. That’s all we’re doing throughout the day.
A Guided S.T.O.P Practice
Here’s a very simple practice. It’s an acronym. You may have heard of it before, but I want to teach it to you anyway. See if you can begin practicing and use it once or twice a day. If you’re really an overachiever, go for three times, because it’s only like a one-to-two-minute practice; you can even do it in a shorter amount of time.
Stop and take a deep breath. Maybe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Take as many deep breaths as you need, as you have the luxury to do, as you’re welcome to. Then observe how you’re feeling.
There are three things happening at any given moment; my body is feeling a particular way, I’m having a particular emotional experience, and there’s a quality to my attention. In other words, there are a lot of things on my mind. So, you’re stopping, taking a deep breath—as many as you need—and observing your experience. Ask yourself, “How’s my body feeling? Is it tensing? Is it holding? Can I allow it to soften?” And note whether you’re having a certain emotional experience. I feel calm, at ease. I feel irritated. I feel anxious, uncomfortable.
Then, we proceed by asking ourselves the question, “What is it that I’m wanting to pay attention to?”
Okay, so I’m going to guide you through it. This first video is a little bit longer than some of the other ones will be, but I want to give you these real foundations of mindfulness.
- Get in a comfortable position, either seated, lying down, or even standing—it’s perfectly fine.
- Start off by just taking a deep breath—in through the nose, out through the mouth. If you need to take an extra deep breath, you’re welcome to do that.
- Then just begin observing your body. Notice how your body is feeling right now. If it’s feeling tense, or if there’s any sense of holding, just see if you can allow that to soften.
- Notice how, with awareness, you can actually choose to allow your body to soften or adjust to open up any tense areas that are there.
- Then you might want to notice how you’re feeling emotionally right now. You can start off very simply by noting whether you feel comfortable, uncomfortable, or neutral. You could be comfortable or uncomfortable, or maybe you’re feeling more specific feelings—irritation, anxiety, calm, ease, or looseness.
- Notice the quality of your attention right now. Be aware of whether you’re able to settle into this space, this short practice, or if you seem distracted by things. If so, just name that “distracted,” and come back, softening your body. In this case, we’re going to proceed by coming back to being together right now. In any other instance, you might proceed by asking yourself, “What’s most important for me to pay attention to right now?” Or, “What am I needing right now?” You’re widening that space between stimulus and response or choice, possibility and freedom—the freedom to soften your body, loosen your body, and the freedom to attend to something different; because with awareness, you gain the ability, the freedom to attend to what you want to attend to in life. There’s nothing more precious than our attention. With practice and repetition, you are strengthening the ability to just widen that space, choose to be aware of what you want to pay attention to.
- Just notice how you’re feeling now. Be aware of that and note that. This is the practice I’m going to ask you to bring into your life right now. That’s it.
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