1. Is there a wrong way to meditate? A right way to meditate?
People think they’re messing up when they’re meditating because of how busy the mind is. We get caught in the trap of thinking that meditation is supposed to be giving us a whole new magical device, like they sell on late night television: “Get NewBrain. It’s does all the thinking for you, except better!” But, nope, it’s just the good ol’ human nervous system and brain. So, when we find that meditation acquaints us further with our same old brain and its same old ways, we’re convinced we are not doing the right way to meditate. We want that shiny new thing.
Getting lost in thought, noticing it, and returning to your chosen meditation object— breath, sound, body sensation, or something else—is how it’s done. That’s about it. If you’re doing that, you’re doing it right!
Yes. There are guidelines/instructions. Much like learning anything new. There are numerous meditation techniques. Each will have their own nuances and guidelines. What all mindfulness techniques share, though, is use of an anchor or support for the wandering mind. When you wake up from the trance of thought, you have choice. You can continue to nurse the current storyline (Days of Our Lives, The Edge of Night, The Young and the Restless, The Old and the Restless, whatever daytime melodrama you choose), or you can let it move on, and begin again. The instruction is to begin again, and again, and again. Watch the mind’s tendency to try to milk a thought for all it’s worth, to cling to it for dear life. Especially if it is enjoyable! If it’s not enjoyable, maybe you’ll be watching a mental gymnastics match, as the mind twists and turns and tries to shapeshift. When the drama has played out—20 seconds or 20 minutes later—the beauty is you can go right back to your breath (or whatever anchor you’re using), and you’ve done nothing wrong.
2. How will I ever find the time to do this? And how much time is the right amount?
The long-distance French swimmer Ben LeCompte once described how he managed to swim across the entire Atlantic ocean: “I never jump into the water thinking about the entire ocean, I just cut it into small pieces. When I am in the middle of the ocean, I think about being in a pool and the pool moves with me.”
When you’re getting into meditation, it’s easy to get psyched out if you begin by imagining that an ocean lies between you and the goal you’ve set for yourself: reduced stress, better relationships, more focus, world peace. Put your goals in a mental safety deposit box and forget about them, along with the ocean of breaths that separate you from them. Instead, commit to concentrating on just the breath in front of you.
Decide how big the “pool” of breaths you want to move within should be. This will change over time, and be different for everyone. It may start as five minutes a day, three times a week. Or ten minutes a day, five times per week. While more practice is inevitably going to result in more depth, setting aside an amount of time that seems reasonable is essential to building your confidence so you don’t become frustrated, resulting in mindfulness becoming the fad toy that ends up on the shelf once it loses its newness. With greater confidence comes a greater willingness to pledge more and more minutes to practice.
3. If I meditate a lot, am I going to lose my edge and turn into a passive, unproductive jellyfish? Ew.
Hey, let’s not dump on jellyfish. They’re stunningly colorful and alluring—like living lava lamps—and they’re the sea’s most efficient movers. They’ve been around for over 500 million years, which suggests they must be doing something right. By contrast, we humans have been around for 200,000 years. Maybe we have something to learn from the jellyfish.
Instead of becoming passive, then, let’s say the “danger” of meditation is in becoming receptive—developing the habit of becoming responsive and alert to emerging situations, as opposed to reactive. You see what needs to be done and leap into it. This includes knowing when not to do something, when inaction, or attentively listening and probing, letting situations unfold, is really the best response. Mindfulness practice can strengthen our natural instinct to see when active engagement will only run us into a corner—after all, the world isn’t always in need of a better mousetrap. Mindful jellyfish do not lose their ability to sting, but they less frequently get tricked into stinging motorboat rotors.
What if I have to pee while meditating? Should I hold it, or go? Meditation experts weigh in.
4. I use meditation apps and audio guides mostly. Is that OK or should I try it without?
Guided meditation on audio can be great support for meditation practice. For some, it’s a long-term part of their practice life. For others, it’s something they do for awhile and then leave aside, like training wheels. As usual, there’s no rigid rule about it.
If you’re someone who really likes using audio guidance, it might be interesting to explore practicing silently for a while. The quiet that comes with silent meditation can bring a lot of relief in our noisy world. You may come to appreciate the sound of your own mind. You might also consider finding ways to meditate with others, by joining a class or a group. Practicing together with others often turns out to be a great way to get silent support from others in the room. It’s also nice to share your insights with new friends who are going through similar experiences.
5. I start to fall asleep sometimes. Fighting it drives me crazy. What should I do?
Brace yourself for the following truth-bomb: If you find yourself consistently falling asleep during meditation, you may not be getting enough sleep. Meditation is important. Sleep is also important. In fact, meditation can help you notice when you’re skimping on sleep or exercise