“I think, therefore I am,” doesn’t mean I am my thoughts, nor does it mean that you are yours. Even though Descartes believed, “If I am thinking then I must exist…” other philosophers later pointed out that the thoughts might be coming from somewhere else (although I’m not sure where that somewhere else is) so all we can really say is: “there are thoughts.” If you’re not your thoughts—a terrifying idea for some, a gift to others—what are you? We’ve been trying to answer the question of what it means to be human for centuries.
A couple of ways of thinking about what it is to be a sentient mammal in an increasingly secular world can be found within contemplative psychology or in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). The former describes us as a “heap” or aggregate of body (form), feeling (the tone of experience before thinking begins: pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral), as perception (naming or memory), as mental formations (thoughts, emotions) and consciousness (defined as contact with the senses and the objects of their awareness). CBT looks at us as a composition of thoughts, emotions, body, and behaviours. Thoughts, then, are simply one part of what it is to be us. In fact, the view of both models is that we are not fixed entities but dynamic processes that are always in flux.
Self: Fixed and in Flux
This idea if taken too far might lead us astray, untethered and disconnected from our day-to-day existence. If we didn’t have a fixed identity, then who makes dinner, drives the car, or colors his or her hair? Another way of navigating “self” is through the lens of neuroscience. At a recent mindfulness conference in Toronto, Norman Farb, a neuroscientist who studies human identity and emotion, and has a particular interest in mindfulness talked about the need for both a stable sense of self, assisted by the medial pre-frontal cortex and the ability to adapt and have awareness of changing momentary experience involving the insula. This makes sense, because too much self and we’re likely rigid. Too much change and we are chaotic. In order to function and adapt, we need both.
One of the reasons we suffer is because we hold tightly to a fixed view of self. We believe everything we think about others and ourselves. While this may have some socio-biological utility and may in fact be essential to navigating our internal and external world, it also often contributes to our misery. For example, holding tightly to a view of racial superiority may have helped us to protect our particular tribe when anyone not like self could have been a threat. However, as per recent events involving Black Lives Matter, recognition of our interdependence versus emphasizing difference and the mistreatment of those perceived as such could be the antidote to the effects of prejudice.
If we are depressed we think, “I am a depressive,” versus “depression sometimes gets a hold of me.” If we lose a loved one through a break up, we may think, “I’ll never love again,” versus “I’m grieving and this will pass.” If we are studying to become a physician, lawyer, or psychologist, we may be plagued by the thought, “I am incompetent,” rather than “I am learning and have no experience.” Our reactions to difficulty and our perspective narrow around our options about how we might respond more skillfully to life’s vicissitudes. And we all get our fair share of strife, some at the front end, some at the back end, and some in the middle. I forget who said this but it was obviously someone wise. Remembering this can help us not take pain and loss as an end point. That doesn’t mean we don’t feel pain but rather it doesn’t have to result in a deep hole from which we can’t climb out or have to define us.
Our reactions to difficulty and our perspective narrow around our options about how we might respond more skillfully to life’s vicissitudes.
How Mindfulness Helps You Navigate Difficulty
Mindfulness is a model of mind or if you prefer, of what it is to be human. We can think of mindfulness as a conceptual model, conveying the principles and functionality of what it is to be a person. As a model it helps us to understand elements of the human experience. Mindfulness is the map, not the territory. The territory is the experience itself. (I know this is heresy for those who think of it as truth). Shapiro S. et al, (2006) created a way of thinking about the potential mechanisms of mindfulness with respect to how it helps free us from adding to those inevitably painful times that befall us.
This model includes the marine life of intention, attention, and attitudes all floating in the sea of awareness that is us:
- Intention allows us to be deliberate about where we place our attention, thus creating choice in what we attend to, developing the ability to shift and hold it as needed. Mindfulness trains attention to be focused, open, and receptive.
- Focused attention allows us to disrupt negative, ruminative thinking such as, “I’m such a failure because someone criticized my work” by bringing attention to an object of awareness such as the sensations of breathing in the body or other body sensations. This is not suppression but rather redirection. Open and receptive monitoring of attention allows us to catch destructive thoughts and early changes in mood or increases in anxiety before they take hold, allowing us to take care of ourselves.
- Attitudes of curiosity and kindness enable us to turn toward difficulty and to get interested in what is happening, rather than attempting to avoid or push away what we don’t like.
Stephen Hayes, a psychologist well known for his work in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, discusses the power of avoidance in his book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life. Avoidance is powerful because it works so well in the short term. However, it has the added problem of perpetuating our problems and limiting our lives. For example, if you get invited to a party and you have social anxiety, you will likely choose not to go. What happens next? You may feel ashamed but the anxiety vanishes in a heartbeat. This is incredibly reinforcing. Willingness to ha