Are you the type of person who’s too busy driving from place to place to stop and fill that gas tank with the beaming low fuel light? Too busy rushing about to take a moment? Too guilty to take a pause even though it’s clear you need one? Perhaps, you don’t feel empowered enough to demand a break? Or, maybe you’re just so caught up in your day it’s easier to ignore all the signs telling you it’s time to pause, breathe, and assess the situation.
Being able to identify the need for a “personal moment” is critical. However, the reality is most of us are already pretty good at this part of the equation. Where we tend to fall short is acting on our own recognition. It’s not enough just to notice that low fuel light inside your head. You have to do what it’s telling you – pull over, put it in park, and refuel. This isn’t always easy and, in fact, often requires a good bit of personal courage.
Taking a moment means intentionally shifting behavior, and, in today’s “busy or bust” world this can have consequences. For instance, we might resist due to fear of judgment (others may look at us as slackers). Or, we might worry that pausing will cause us to fall further behind in our already overwhelming workload. We might even fool ourselves into believing we’ll break later, knowing full well that later will be just as hectic as the present. The point is, we cling to excuses because it’s easier than owning up to our own needs. Self-sacrifice has become more acceptable than self-care.
When we get quiet, things that are important to us get really loud.
The good news is, when we finally find the self-awareness to take that moment something remarkable happens. When we get quiet, things that are important to us get really loud. Our capacity for creativity is enhanced. Our perspectives on life become clearer. We realize how important self-care is, and grasp the major role it plays in our ability to feel strong, maintain focus, stay engaged, push for change, and live our best lives.
In the past few weeks, I’ve laid out a pretty strong case as to why mental health breaks are vital to emotional and mental wellbeing. While I often imagine that you’re all nodding in agreement, let’s be honest with each other: understanding the logic and rationale of the why and actually doing something about it are two different things.
Do You Have the Courage To Be Vulnerable?
Admitting that you need help or a moment to yourself requires courage in its starkest form: vulnerability. For a lot of us, this is a terrifying realization. After all, if we embrace our vulnerability, we run the risk of appearing needy or insufficient. We expose ourselves to rejection. We admit to the world that we’re not indestructible forces. Vulnerability means baring your truth to another and removing that “I’ve Got It All Together” mask we often present to the world. This takes guts.
I have read many articles and countless chapters in self-help books that advocate being “courageous” as if it’s an easy thing to do, as if overcoming your fears is a simple task. What these pieces fail to point out, however, is that the only way to overcome our fears is to first call them out.
Three Self-Care Tools for Claiming Your Healing Time
1) The Confession Statement: Name it to Tame It
One way to “name it to tame it” is what I like to call “the confession statement.” In a nutshell, it allows you to acknowledge your fears internally, while openly admitting your needs to a confidant. A confession statement might go something like this:
“I’m a little of nervous to admit this and I hope you will accept it, but I need to take a step back. I need a quiet moment to find clarity of mind and spirit.”
By finding the strength to share your feelings honestly, not only will you ease your own nervousness, you’ll also create an intimate space in which the other person is free to receive your request, accept it with an open mind, and act upon it with a softened heart. This “confession” disarms both of you, leading to a genuine spirit of understanding.
You, the confessor, finds a welcoming and non-judgmental ear. Your confidant knows that he or she is being trusted with your vulnerability, freeing you of burdens that inhibit your self-care. It’s a pretty good feeling all around.
2) The Pre-Ask: Asking For Help or Space Before You Actually Need It
Most people refuse to ask for help or acknowledge that they need a little space until their anxiety is already at a boing point. Let’s go back to the “low fuel” light analogy. When the light comes on, you know you’ve only got about 30 miles before running out of gas. But, hey,