The only rule, our grief experts say, is that there are no rules. You get to define your grief and your response to it. (You can curl into a ball. You can cloak yourself in black. You can go back to the office.) Beyond that, author and podcaster Kate Bowler suggests the following.
3 Mindful Ways to Work Through Grief
- Lean into what is meaningful for you. You may ask, as Bowler did, “Is there someplace of service or gift or job that gives me purpose and momentum right now?”
- See what is possible today. Gently recognize that, even with finite choices, there are, nonetheless, choices. In Bowler’s words: “Somewhere between the idea of nothing is possible and everything is possible, we are able to ask, ‘What is possible today? What is mine to do?’”
- Let go of the need to fix other people’s grief. “If you don’t think someone’s life is a problem to be solved or a tragedy to be fixed, you’ll feel less scared about being around them,” says Bowler. “They will take great comfort in knowing that they are not alone. It’s such a nice feeling when you’re allowed to pivot, when you’re allowed to move between laughing and crying.”