Do you know how to create the kinds of relationships that truly feel good?
Research suggests that building optimism about the future can motivate us to work toward our desired life—and make it more likely to become a reality. When you imagine your best possible self, you begin to see what matters most to you.
This practice invites you to picture your relationships going as well as they possibly could, and then write about this best possible future. By doing so, research suggests that you can increase your happiness and gently pave the way for stronger, more fulfilling connections.
Time Required
- 15 minutes per day, for two weeks
If that feels like a lot, you can start with just a few sessions and see how it feels. Even a handful of intentional reflections can be meaningful.
How to Do the “Best Possible Self for Relationships” Practice
1. Imagine Your Future Relationships
Take a quiet moment to imagine your life in the future, focusing specifically on your relationships.
Ask yourself:
- What is the best possible romantic, social, and family life I can imagine?
- What would it feel like to be truly supported and seen?
- How would I show up as my best self in these connections?
This might include:
- A supportive partner
- Warm, respectful relationships with your children and/or parents
- A close, trusted group of friends
- A sense of belonging in your community
There are no right answers—just what feels true and meaningful to you.
2. Write for 15 Minutes About Your Best Possible Relationships
For the next 15 minutes, write continuously about what you imagined. Let your pen (or keyboard) move without worrying about getting it “right.”
You might describe:
- What your days look like with these people
- How you talk and listen to each other
- How you handle conflicts and repair
- How you celebrate good moments and support each other in hard times
Try not to edit as you go. Just keep writing.
3. Gently Redirect from Problems to Possibilities
As you write, it may be easy to notice how your current relationships don’t yet match what you’re imagining. You might feel pulled toward:
- Remembering past hurts or disappointments
- Focusing on ways things have been difficult for you
- Thinking about financial, time, or social barriers
All of these thoughts are understandable. For the purpose of this exercise, though, see if you can gently return your attention to the future.
Imagine:
- A brighter version of your life
- You as your best, most open-hearted self
- Circumstances shifting just enough to make these desired connections possible
You’re not ignoring reality; you’re giving your mind and heart a chance to explore what could be.
4. Be Specific and Personal
This practice is most powerful when it’s very specific.
For example:
- If you imagine a better relationship with your parents, describe exactly what would be different in the way you relate to each other.
- If you imagine having a partner or a new friend, describe how they interact with you, what you might do together, and how it feels to be around them.
The more specific you are, the more engaged you will be in the exercise—and the more you’re likely to get out of it.
5. Let Yourself Be Creative and Imperfect
As you write:
- Be as creative and imaginative as you like
- Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or structure
- Let this be a space where you can dream without judgment
Think of it as a gentle conversation with your future self.
Why This Practice Works
By thinking deeply about your best possible future relationships, you learn more about:
- What you truly value in connection
- How you want to show up with others
- What kinds of relationships feel nourishing and safe for you
This kind of reflection can:
- Help you clarify your priorities and make more aligned choices
- Increase your sense of agency and control—you see what’s within your power to shift
- Support you in noticing small, realistic steps you can take toward the relationships you want
Over time, this practice may help you live more intentionally, and invite relationships that reflect your deepest hopes and values.
About the Research Behind This Practice
For more on the science behind this exercise, visit Greater Good In Action, a site launched by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, in collaboration with HopeLab.
Synthesizing hundreds of scientific studies, Greater Good In Action collects research-based methods for a happier, more meaningful life—and puts them at your fingertips in a format that’s easy to navigate and digest.
A Gentle Next Step
If this practice resonates with you, you might set a reminder to return to it a few times over the coming weeks, noticing what stays the same and what evolves.
Your best possible self for relationships already lives within you. This exercise simply helps you listen more closely.
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