Being a stand-up comic was one of my lifelong fantasies.
So when the owner of a chain of comedy clubs saw my one-woman show and invited me to perform at his venue, I was pretty excited.
But as the date drew closer, I became increasingly restless.
“Why?” I screamed into my pillow. “Why did I decide to put myself out there?!”
That question sits at the heart of mindful risk-taking.
Why Putting Yourself Out There Feels So Scary
Whether you’re posting a profile on a dating site, joining a local ping-pong club, or asking for a raise, moving into new territory takes bravery.
This is especially true because there’s no certainty that your courageous act will bring you the approval of others—or anything at all that you think you might want.
So what’s the appeal?
Putting yourself out there can be the depth charge that breaks you out of harmful habits. The very habits you cling to that may seem like they are keeping you safe are often just keeping you small.
As Nelson Mandela said, “There’s no passion to be found playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
Mindful risks invite us to live a fuller, more honest version of our lives.
Remember the Risks You’ve Already Survived
Take a moment to step back from your life and recall a time you couldn’t imagine surviving.
Maybe it was a breakup, a big career leap, an illness, or a loss. At the time, it may have felt impossible. Yet you did survive—and perhaps that daring moment even became a turning point for positive change.
You’ve been brave before. Noticing that can help you trust yourself as you consider the next step.
When Your Courage Helps Others, Too
Mindful risks don’t just shape our own lives; they can ripple out to others.
Dexter Manley has two Super Bowl rings. He played football in the NFL and faced the embarrassment of the world when he put himself out there and publicly admitted that he was illiterate.
At 28, Manley became a role model for adult learning. By “putting it out there,” he changed the lives of many who, through his courage and success, saw possibilities for themselves.
We have an immense power not just to change our own circumstances, but to inspire the people around us.
Vulnerability as a Form of Bravery
Putting yourself out there can sound dramatic, but it doesn’t have to be.
At its core, bravery often means allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
I know a psychiatrist who is a very shy public speaker—deeply reluctant, and yet very much in demand. She told me the story of a recent speaking engagement.
Already feeling shaky because of a difficult situation in her family, and not very comfortable speaking in public at the best of times, she suddenly found herself paralyzed mid-sentence. She couldn’t talk. At all. For several moments.
Time never feels as long as those moments when awkwardness hangs in the air.
After a not-so-delicious silence, she put herself out there and told the room what was going on inside her. She shared her anxiety, her family struggle, and her fear in that very moment.
Many attendees later said that this was the moment that had the biggest impact of her whole talk.
Who knew that putting herself out there would include falling apart in public—and that acknowledging it might be the big takeaway for her audience?
Start Small: Everyday Ways to Take Mindful Risks
Not every risk has to involve a stage, a microphone, or a life-changing confession.
There are quieter ways we can put ourselves out there that might not have the same adrenaline-triggering qualities, but can create meaningful change and strengthen our “bravery muscle.”
You might:
- Say hello or good morning to a stranger, and mean it.
- Take a small act of daring kindness, like reaching out to someone who seems lonely.
- Agree to chair a committee, offer to lead a meeting, or share your idea in a room where you’d usually stay quiet.
- Let people see you grieve, or see you as you naturally are—gray hair, wrinkles, emotions and all.
- Stand up for something important, or stand down and listen deeply for the greater good.
These smaller acts, done with awareness and care, are also mindful risks. They gently stretch the edges of your comfort zone and show you that you can handle more than you think.
The Neuroscience of Lasting Change
According to psychologist Rick Hanson, one of the primary ways to cultivate qualities like resilience, compassion, happiness, gratitude, and confidence is to have experiences that get encoded into lasting change in our neural structure or function.
In other words, if you want meaningful, lasting change in your life—if you’re seeking a wider band of color and choice, and you’re tired of settling for a life that keeps you small—you actually do have to be somewhat outrageous.
You have to take risks.
When we break the habit of playing small, we create new possibilities for ourselves. The brain learns from experience. Each time you take a mindful risk and survive it (or even grow from it), you strengthen the pathways that say, I can do hard things.
When We Leap, We Find Out We Can Fly
Sometimes, when we take a leap, it leads to flying. Other times, it leads to wobbling, awkwardness, or a messy middle.
But unless you put yourself out there and open to the possibilities that come with new experience, you’ll never really know what’s possible for you.
Mindful risk-taking isn’t about forcing yourself into danger or ignoring your limits. It’s about gently, bravely expanding your world—one honest, vulnerable step at a time.
Your next small, mindful risk might be the beginning of a lasting change.
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