You might love the month of love, or you might not be into the whole Valentine’s Day thing. With $18 billion spent every February on flowers, chocolates, gifts, and restaurants in the United States every year, it’s safe to say that we have certain cultural ideas about how to show love.
So why not use the occasion to really celebrate love?
Here are a few ways to show love during this heart-stamped month, or any time of year—and none of them cost a penny.
Listen—really listen. That means giving them your openminded, genuinely interested attention, according to mindful communication experts Hope Martin and David Rome. Take the time to fully absorb what they’re saying. Body language, word choice, tone of voice—you’ll be amazed at what you may have been missing.
Offer your full presence when you’re together. Don’t look at your phone. Show love by showing up fully, without distractions. Resist the usual complaining about work. Slipping onto autopilot—a you-do-this/ I-do-that dynamic—is no fun and can erode any relationship, says Marsha Lucas, a neuropsychologist and the author of Rewire Your Brain for Love.
Value the little things someone does for you—and do some in return. Relationship coach Josh Wise suggests that couples take gratitude a step further: discuss the kindnesses you receive and how that makes you feel. In this way, you get to multiply the effect of thoughtful actions—first by experiencing it, then by sharing it, and then again by noticing how your recognition lifts the other person up.
Empathy. It’s a necessary ingredient for healthier relationships of all kinds. According to psychologist Ronald Siegel in The Mindfulness Solution, “When we can actually be with someone and empathize with his or her experience, even when it’s painful, the relationship deepens.”
This article also appeared in the February 2014 issue of Mindful magazine.
